Getting out of a rut on the road to total body health!

Most people begin new years resolutions on January 1 year after year and I would guess most people have a number 1 resolution of losing weight and/or getting healthy!I tried not to fall into this category because I didn't want it to be a resolution, I wanted it to be a lifestyle makeover. But, lo and behold the scale would go up and down and sadly, up again. It was a constant battle and cylce. I would lose 50, gain it back, lose 20 & gain it back time and time again, I was like a young, white Oprah! ;)

I swore as a mommy of three that I would never use my children as an excuse for being overweight, but here I am with the youngest being 14 months & I gained more weight with each pregnancy and am now at my all time heaviest. It would be very easy to stay down in a rut and feel bad and lowly and just plain blah, but I refuse!

This January didn't come a resolution for me, but a lifestyle change that I did not choose! When I tore my ACL in my knee on the 24th of that month, I was beginning a lifestyle change that I didn't have a choice in. I HAD to work out, I had to get better. I'm now in my 4th month of this journey and working out in physical therapy nearly kills me. I sweat bullets for 60-90 minutes 3 days a week and every day I'm not there, I'm allowed to do my elliptical at home 10-15 min/day to start until I get full range of motion back in my knee.

As I was halfway through this beginning stage, I realized all the physical activity I was doing, maybe I should look at my eating habits? It wasn't good, I wasn't keep track of anything. I "thought" I was being healthy, but in reality, I wasn't all that great. I got back on an app called My Fitness Pal, I highly advocate this app, it's great!! For me and my tracking anyway it is; I'm one that needs to see every tiny thing and be held accountable to myself at the end of the day. "I" choose how to treat my body and my health, not my husband, not my children, it's up to ME and ultimately, it's up to YOU and only you.

(Something I've never shared with anyone, ever! Time to be real)My husband and I married nearly 10 years ago and in those 10 years, I have put on close to 100lbs. :( That is such a real, raw number, it brings tears to my eyes just seeing it. How on earth did I get here? I was a cheerleader! I ran track! I played basketball, I had a dream of being a Chiefs cheerleader and I let it all go. For what? junk food that is terrible for my body? See, this is exactly where you can start to tear yourself down and shred yourself until you want to lock yourself away and never see the light of day again, BUT that is not the life God has intended for you or for ME!

So, here I am, on this journey back to my health ,back to me, the me I was created to be, MY BEST ME!
Since my surgery on March 3, I'm down 10lbs and working hard every single day to lose the remaining 90. I want to be at my wedding weight by our 10th anniversary which is December 31, 2014, this year. I know I can do it, at least be close to it. I can't hold myself to a number, but it helps to have a goal. That is 90 lbs in 9 months.

Our four year old son asked me just this week if my wedding dress that is still hanging in my old closet at my moms house where it was the day I wore it for the wedding still fit? I know it won't, how could it 100lbs later? But, I gently told him, "I don't know, buddy." He wants to see me in it. Breaks my heart, I feel I've let my kids down, I've let my husband down. He says I'm beautiful and I believe he does think that because he loves me, but I'm not who I was at 19 when I became his wife.

In a way, I am thankful for my injury. It has shed so much light on my life, my health, my strength and where I need to be. I told my physical therapist, she was going to make me an athlete yet! I go today and I'm looking forward to sweating, looking forward to the pain because I know at the end of this will be a successful blog post!!

None of us our perfect, I don't strive for perfection, but I want to feel okay in my own skin. I want to be healthy, not skinny. I'm a mom nearing my 30's, my goal isn't a bikini, but to feel comfortable in a tasteful one piece or the new size 2xl tankini I just bought for this Summer. I don't need to turn heads or draw attention for only two men get to see the raw me, God and my husband. I don't do this to seek approval, I do it for me!

The Song Within Me...

This Sunday approaching next is Palm Sunday, I was asked by a good Pastor friend of mine if I would visit his church as a guest and sing a special! Now, this is my passion, but I was scared, I instantly wanted to think of anyway of getting out of it, but that is not of God, that is not His plan or will for me. He gave me my passion to serve and glorify Him so why the fear? Why the timidness? It's not like this is my first rodeo, I've sang in front of hundreds of people before.

It's because I am not who I used to be, I am new, I am refreshed, I am revived so in a way, it is my first time! It's my first time singing as the new ME! It is Satan trying to make me feel weary, broken, incapable, not good enough, but I AM good enough in my heavenly Father's eyes. I won't be singing to the crowd, I'm only singing to an audience of ONE, just one, just God. He is my audience.

So, I'm moving forward, I'm doing it. I don't have the song choice picked, but I know He will provide the one that I am to minister with. So far, I have Kari Jobe's, "When I Speak Your Name" or Selah's "Unreedeemed." Thoughts on the two? I'm praying over both to see which one needs to heard that day.

A worship leader has a just as an important job as the pastor; just as a pastor brings forth the Word of Christ to teach and encourage and uplift, the worship leader helps bridge the intimacy between Christ and the body. It's a one on one intimacy, singing in unity, glorifying through our praise how much we love God! We sing to the heavens and uplift Him! Can you imagine the voices in heaven? That loud, booming, beautiful 24/7 worship, how amazing that choir must be! Someday, I'll be a part of that choir, we all will be if we choose to live for Jesus today!