Getting out of a rut on the road to total body health!

Most people begin new years resolutions on January 1 year after year and I would guess most people have a number 1 resolution of losing weight and/or getting healthy!I tried not to fall into this category because I didn't want it to be a resolution, I wanted it to be a lifestyle makeover. But, lo and behold the scale would go up and down and sadly, up again. It was a constant battle and cylce. I would lose 50, gain it back, lose 20 & gain it back time and time again, I was like a young, white Oprah! ;)

I swore as a mommy of three that I would never use my children as an excuse for being overweight, but here I am with the youngest being 14 months & I gained more weight with each pregnancy and am now at my all time heaviest. It would be very easy to stay down in a rut and feel bad and lowly and just plain blah, but I refuse!

This January didn't come a resolution for me, but a lifestyle change that I did not choose! When I tore my ACL in my knee on the 24th of that month, I was beginning a lifestyle change that I didn't have a choice in. I HAD to work out, I had to get better. I'm now in my 4th month of this journey and working out in physical therapy nearly kills me. I sweat bullets for 60-90 minutes 3 days a week and every day I'm not there, I'm allowed to do my elliptical at home 10-15 min/day to start until I get full range of motion back in my knee.

As I was halfway through this beginning stage, I realized all the physical activity I was doing, maybe I should look at my eating habits? It wasn't good, I wasn't keep track of anything. I "thought" I was being healthy, but in reality, I wasn't all that great. I got back on an app called My Fitness Pal, I highly advocate this app, it's great!! For me and my tracking anyway it is; I'm one that needs to see every tiny thing and be held accountable to myself at the end of the day. "I" choose how to treat my body and my health, not my husband, not my children, it's up to ME and ultimately, it's up to YOU and only you.

(Something I've never shared with anyone, ever! Time to be real)My husband and I married nearly 10 years ago and in those 10 years, I have put on close to 100lbs. :( That is such a real, raw number, it brings tears to my eyes just seeing it. How on earth did I get here? I was a cheerleader! I ran track! I played basketball, I had a dream of being a Chiefs cheerleader and I let it all go. For what? junk food that is terrible for my body? See, this is exactly where you can start to tear yourself down and shred yourself until you want to lock yourself away and never see the light of day again, BUT that is not the life God has intended for you or for ME!

So, here I am, on this journey back to my health ,back to me, the me I was created to be, MY BEST ME!
Since my surgery on March 3, I'm down 10lbs and working hard every single day to lose the remaining 90. I want to be at my wedding weight by our 10th anniversary which is December 31, 2014, this year. I know I can do it, at least be close to it. I can't hold myself to a number, but it helps to have a goal. That is 90 lbs in 9 months.

Our four year old son asked me just this week if my wedding dress that is still hanging in my old closet at my moms house where it was the day I wore it for the wedding still fit? I know it won't, how could it 100lbs later? But, I gently told him, "I don't know, buddy." He wants to see me in it. Breaks my heart, I feel I've let my kids down, I've let my husband down. He says I'm beautiful and I believe he does think that because he loves me, but I'm not who I was at 19 when I became his wife.

In a way, I am thankful for my injury. It has shed so much light on my life, my health, my strength and where I need to be. I told my physical therapist, she was going to make me an athlete yet! I go today and I'm looking forward to sweating, looking forward to the pain because I know at the end of this will be a successful blog post!!

None of us our perfect, I don't strive for perfection, but I want to feel okay in my own skin. I want to be healthy, not skinny. I'm a mom nearing my 30's, my goal isn't a bikini, but to feel comfortable in a tasteful one piece or the new size 2xl tankini I just bought for this Summer. I don't need to turn heads or draw attention for only two men get to see the raw me, God and my husband. I don't do this to seek approval, I do it for me!

The Song Within Me...

This Sunday approaching next is Palm Sunday, I was asked by a good Pastor friend of mine if I would visit his church as a guest and sing a special! Now, this is my passion, but I was scared, I instantly wanted to think of anyway of getting out of it, but that is not of God, that is not His plan or will for me. He gave me my passion to serve and glorify Him so why the fear? Why the timidness? It's not like this is my first rodeo, I've sang in front of hundreds of people before.

It's because I am not who I used to be, I am new, I am refreshed, I am revived so in a way, it is my first time! It's my first time singing as the new ME! It is Satan trying to make me feel weary, broken, incapable, not good enough, but I AM good enough in my heavenly Father's eyes. I won't be singing to the crowd, I'm only singing to an audience of ONE, just one, just God. He is my audience.

So, I'm moving forward, I'm doing it. I don't have the song choice picked, but I know He will provide the one that I am to minister with. So far, I have Kari Jobe's, "When I Speak Your Name" or Selah's "Unreedeemed." Thoughts on the two? I'm praying over both to see which one needs to heard that day.

A worship leader has a just as an important job as the pastor; just as a pastor brings forth the Word of Christ to teach and encourage and uplift, the worship leader helps bridge the intimacy between Christ and the body. It's a one on one intimacy, singing in unity, glorifying through our praise how much we love God! We sing to the heavens and uplift Him! Can you imagine the voices in heaven? That loud, booming, beautiful 24/7 worship, how amazing that choir must be! Someday, I'll be a part of that choir, we all will be if we choose to live for Jesus today!

The Journey of a Major Injury

On January 24th 2014, I had to wake up earlier than normal to await the arrival of my Christmas gift from my husband, a new elliptical machine!! It was top of the line, gym quality, he said I was worth it though I cringed at the price tag. When it arrived and was set up and the delivery men left, I did my first (& last work out since) for thirty minutes! I was in love, I was so excited at the thought of being able to get back in shape, lose my baby belly( ahem, 3 children & 8 years later!) in the comfort of my home. But, hours later my life would change forever.

At 3pm, I gave a late afternoon bath to my smaller kiddo's, Brody and Gracelynn. I was leaving the bathroom holding Gracelynn, wet and bundled in her cozy towel, we were snuggled and I was just smelling her sweet baby clean skin. I stepped out of the door and our Golden Retriever, Lucy, was laying in the threshold. In fear of waking her, I made a split decision that would change the course of my life, one tiny moment and the wrong decision, such a petty decision to step over her! In that moment, I took one leg(all while holding Grace) and placed it on the other side of the dog to walk over, Lucy was startled and jumped up very quick! This caused my other leg to buckle completely sideways, it was a very non-classy fall. The baby fell out of my arms as I crashed to the floor and in that instant, terror shook through my core. The baby was screaming, I was yelling "oh God, please help me!" I was scared she was hurt & I had no way of getting to her because I was in the worst pain of my life. Brody was still in the bath just feet away and my screaming terrified him so much he jumped up and ran to us, he was my little hero. I told him "I think mommy broke her leg, please go find my phone!" Because at that moment, that's all I could think was it had to be broken with the amount of sheer instant pain and the way I had fallen.

I didn't know that day what had happened inside my knee,  my husband & I thought maybe just a tough sprain. I went the ER the next day which happened to be our daughters shared birthday party! Tons of guests were on their way to our home and I felt like a mess. I couldn't cancel with hours notice and my amazing helpmate and husband was by my side assuring the show went on! & it did.

During the next week, I sat and gradually felt better four days later until the unthinkable happened, AGAIN!
I was holding Gracelynn in our living room looking out the front door as my little man got our mail out front. For no reason, my leg buckled before me and gave way, baby & I fell, I screamed and the same pain was there immediately. This time, I knew something major was happening, my husband came home in an instant from work and calls were made.

Two days later, tests were taken, my first MRI(which was a great 40 minutes with just God and myself in silence). Days after that came the phone call, I had completely torn my ACL in half, it was totally shredded. The most severe knee injury you can achieve, I got it, by falling over my goofy dog. Only *I* can do that one! :)

So here I am in this ACL journey, one I never would have guessed I would be on, after all this is a journey you associate with athletes! Which I am not! Not in the least!

Who says Stay At Home Moms have it easy?! I am proof this is a tough job!! Ha!

I have grown soooo close with Jesus the last two months(just realizing it was exactly two months ago today I fell!). I have grown soo close with my mother as well, what a help she has been, 28 and I still need my own mother. I have also grown more deeper in love with my Kevin, I know he would be here today with me if he could. As I sit and cry and lay in pain, duty calls and I am still a mom! My first day, three weeks after reconstructive surgery, that I'm home with the children. It's 10am, we've made it three hours so far!

This is mainly to journal my journey, to show I am human, I cry, I suffer, I cry out to Jesus in my weakest moments for His strength because my own is so small, I could not make if not for HIM! I struggle, I have feelings, I fall, but I GET UP! I'm up!!! I have 6-9 months left of this initial recovery so I'm sure more blogs will cover my ACL Journey. I fell in January so this is pretty much my 2014! Lots to learn about myself, about the strength & purpose of God and those who are by my side supporting me through it all.

Blessings friends! IF you fall, YOU CAN GET up, but only in God's arms as HE lifts you to your feet!!

Bringing to life my thoughts.

     I've wanted to and thought many nights of creating a blog, but what for? For my own personal gain? for attention? Maybe a way for our children to look back and see what mama was thinking and going through; an online journal and journey of our simple country, beautiful, blessed life! That was it, simple & sweet just like us. 

     I'm not super-mom or super-wife or super anything, but I do have a Father in heaven who created ME out of His extraordinary image and for a super purpose, though He hasn't fully embraced with me what all that entails. It's a journey, the journey of life. It's a story that He has already sat down and written just for me, just for my husband and just for my children and it's amazing. I see God in every day, in every moment, in every detail, but you have to look for Him, it's up to you find Him. He's there, He's here, He's with us if we allow ourselves to freely open our lives and hearts to give to His purpose. It's worth it!

     I don't expect many will read this, but for those that do, I am real, I am raw, I am different, I am unique, but I am fearfully and wonderfully made and I am not perfect, but I am perfect in God's eyes, we all are. We are all perfect to Him and if nothing else you read from this day forward, take that with you, and those are God's words, not mine. :) YOU are beautiful and loved and joyfully made for a wonderful purpose.

     I plan to post our fun little journey of life here, give updates & fun posts. I'm a full time mommy of three amazing kiddos, Lacey is eight, Brody is 4(5 in May!) and Gracelynn just turned one. I'm married to my best friend Kevin, ten years this year! And I am a full time college student at Liberty University, I'll be a Senior this fall and graduate May 2015 with my BA in Special Education! 

A dream come true on all levels. If that does not sound busy enough, we just purchased our first house in July 2013 and I spend most days(if I can squeeze in extra time) decorating and making it our very own.

Here are a few photos of my favorite people. 

     I'll be adding a lot of DIY projects I'm currently working on, feel free to take ideas and send me your own! I'm always looking for a new project! Our current projects are a HUGE chalkboard wall piece for our kids to be creative with and a new dining set that is 100% DIY with pieces we already have or used. 

This is the home we prayed nine long years for, God blessed us beyond our dreams, it's beautiful and most days I still am amazed pulling into the driveway, this is our little home for our little(big) family. 

My current DIY project, transformation larger dining/seating in a tiny space!

   I look forward to blogging and leaving a journal and legacy for our children and YOU to read and enjoy!
Blessings!!
Jamie